Make yourself Alive

"I knew who I was this morning, but I've changed several times since then"
- If that wasn't the truth!


I'm gonna piggy back off of a post that my good friend Jaclyn wrote the other day. She wrote this quote:


The thing, of course, is to make yourself alive.
Most people remain all their lives in a stupor.
-Sherwood Anderson



That is EXACTLY what I did the other night..and it was the best night of my life. EVER.



I have never felt so alive, I know it sounds so corny, but It's true. I went to dinner with some co workers last night then decided I wanted to go to Washington Square Park to read...The trip started out rocky when I got on the wrong express train and ended up in Brooklyn...But after my hour commute to the park, I made it there around 9:30.



I got to the park and heard some music, watched some kids splash around in the water with umbrellas (dont really understand the point of them..) and chilled out. THEN, I heard this group of people singing and loving life, so I walked over there.



I sat in pure joy for about an hour just listening to the most amazing guitarist i had ever heard and then quietly started harmonizing...which turned into a full out singing session for about two hours with this group of people. It was somewhat magical as i sat there and heard homeless people, people from other countries, well established artists, and random people all harmonize together and just sit in utter amazement at how beautiful the art of music truly is. It was literally the coolest moment of my life.

The weekend was wonderful as well. On Friday I worked and hung out but Saturday was a huge NYC day...I ate at Amy Ruths, which is a famous restaurant in Harlem with pancakes and waffles. I was very pleased. Walked around the city with friends for hours, went on a dinner date, and topped it off with a sleep over at brittanys. Sunday went to church, loved it, took a nice nap with brittany, ate at Shake Shack and gained 5 pounds, and loved every second of it. Then I got to have a movie night with my room mate landry, where we ate popcorn, icecream and had english subtitles in case his english failed him.

Overall it was amazing.

This is my last week at MTV and Red Bull...and I feel like I am going to cry..

Pictures and amazing videos will follow if I ever make it back to my apartment tonight.

Going to see a sneak peak of Julie and Julia tonight! YES!

---I feel so happy.

Haley Roe

oh crush

I just rode the elevator with this man...

Oh. My...
Heart attack....

his accent made me want to MEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Job is the coolest

I just got back from Taylor Momsen's Birthday Party for work! It was so much fun. I literally watched her perform right next to the Gossip Girl Cast...yes Ed and Chase were both there....but Chase was in rare form and nearly got in the cab with me and Rya at the end of the night....Oh Celebs watch out for those drinks, they will get ya! But Ed, the accent is workin for ya..danngg..too bad his Girlfriend was there with him.
One regret: not knowing what goes on with GG. It took me all day to research just to ask questions about the show. FML.

Taylor was So precious and completely adorable in the interview. Her dad was pretty nice as well....
Here is the shoots that have gone on this week!

My List

So I posted my list of things to do before you are fat, pregnant, or married or something earlier, and I was just seeing that I have accomplished many of these things already…So I will just share what I have accomplished so far…

I don’t know why I am so blog-ish recently..

About to go to a Movie with Lorin and then watch the Bachelorette Finale…I’m biting my nails!!! Eek!

Here is the list!

love your family- conventional or not : I love every one of these crazy crackas

explore religious teachings from a tradition you weren't raised in: been doing this one for a while

be nice to your friend's love interests: It may have been more of practicing for theater..but I was nice

keep close friends close: I am so blessed in this area

give an ex boyfriend a second chance...not a third: I usually don’t give seconds, and definitely not third chances…but I have a few times.

ditch toxic friends: harder than it seems

be the first to apologize: every time

hear your mom out: Of course I do

love your body: I don’t all the time. But I do love my body.

Buy sexy underwear: More like nightgowns but I have bought some just for me.

Get professionally fit for a bra: Hello Vicky secrets

show off your legs: Do this a lot

get comfy in uggs: despite haters, I LOVE uggs!

take on a physical challenge: and somewhat accomplished it

Let go of the edge of an ice rink: I’m surprisingly good at this

dance barefoot on the beach: where I will be married…I actually dance everywhere

look for shooting stars: St. George Island, counted about 20 while in the arms of someone….haha I can’t remember, I think I was 14.

shop till you drop in New York City: I actually hate shopping like that, but I have done it

Show a visitor around your hometown: Friends from school! (Kara, Tracie, Audrey, Nolen) It was lots of fun to talk about high school memories

Eat too much in italy: That damn pizza!

spend a whole weekend in bed: Did this with a companion ;) literally the entire weekend. I lost 5 pounds because of starvation.

learn to speak the truth, even if it's painful: Truth is a beautiful thing

ride a mechanical bull: I really suck at this.

quit the job you hate: Oh Belles and Beus…loved the people..I just have no idea about Wedding Dresses…Well I do now!

acknowledge your own achievements: It’s always nice to see what the Lord has blessed you with!

laugh at yourself: and at others! Haha just kidding

learn to meditate: and chill with the Lord..! yes….Holy spirit love!

learn to meditate: and chill with the Lord..! yes….Holy spirit love!

become a bit of a hippie: There is a reason my nickname has been “flower child” since I was 10.

date outside your type: I don’t have one so I guess that means I do that!

Be one of the guys: I love being a tom boy at times

play hooky: I have probably done this with every single one of my jobs…Hello, it is a simple joy in life! Just don’t take it too far!

Learn quotes from Grease- I know them ALL

Read the book before you see the film: A walk to Remember is my most noted book that I read first.!

keep a diary: I have about 83904809234823908 unfinished ones!

embrace your naughty side: Rawr?

spend time with your grandma: She’s my best friend…Duh… oh and she just got a Facebook! bahahah

keep old letters- and write new one: I have nearly 400 + letters….seriously

stake up a hobby, just for you: Karaoke…alone

Get a smile youll be proud to flash: despite my gap complex, Smiling is beautiful!

Get mani-pedis with your mates: Probs my fav thing to do…and I will be doing it for my BDAY Soon!!

go completely bare (down there): this is just scandalous! Mom, I’m not going to say it, but you know exactly what I am thinking right now bahahah!!

Wear sunscreen: I am so bad at this, but I’m getting better! No more wrinkles!

shape your brows: Worked at a Spa, got some serious Eyebrow work done!

get contact lenses: I hate wearing them…so I don’t…but I have them

:)

Just watched the Bachelorette. My man won. I feel like I just got proposed to...and said yes :)

What I found in my APT a few days ago :)

Pursuit.

Amanda's photo

I did a little shoot with Amanda way back when...Just ran across the picture..

This is intense.

Union Square Hippies

So while waiting to go to a movie my friend Ayana and myself went to Union Square. I kid you not out of NO where busts about 20 hippies dancing to Michael Jackson...of course I had to join.

Texas Sized Margaritas

What a fun party..Intern party that is...BBQ'S...DELICIOUS and quite hilarious.

I am learning a lot about life and love recently...

I have a tentative date...and I am really excited about it :)...Cheers to new beginnings.

Today I began reading something that just made me smile...Here it is straight from my outgoing mail to the blog...

Do you feel stuck in a rut? is life passing you by? are you coming to a milestone in life and wondering if you missed out on great adventures along the way? Don't panic! It's not too late to wear that itsy bitsy bikini or go gallivanting off to Bora Bora or spend more time with dear old DAD/ 101 Fabulous things to do before you're too old, married, or pregnant
Glamour girl
learn to love champagne
eat french fries without a side of guilt
rock the microphone at a karaoke
Let an unsuitable man spoil you rrotten
Throw yourself a party
get thrown out of a nightclu
beat in a fancy restaurant by yourself
buy your own jewlery
have as many first kisses as your morals allow
learn to cook something exceptional

Friend Indeed
Compete with yourself not your girlfriends
get creative with your giving
listen to warning bells
finish unfinished business
love your family- conventional or not
explore religious teachings from a tradition you weren't raised in
express gratitude
be nice to your friend's love interests
keep close friends close
give an exboyfriend a second chance...not a third
ditch toxic friends
be the first to apologize
hear your mom out

Fashionista Sista
Wear your sunday best for ALL occasions
love your body
splash out on a burberry raincoat
Buy sexy underwear
Learn to pack well
Get professionally fit for a bra
learn to walk in 3 in stilettos
find the perfect pair of jeans
show off your legs
get comfy in uggs
spanx it up
buy a princess dress

Wilderness Woman
Kayak on a phospohrus lake at midnight
take on a physical challenge
let go of the edge of an ice rink
go camping
appreciate each season changing
dance barefoot on the beach
take a deep breath at yosemite national park
look for shooting stars
take a road trip
feed stingrays
go on an african safari
swim with sharks
go skiing in the winter

Jet Setter
Take an unforgettable train journey
shop till you drop in New York City
Show a visitor around your hometown
people watch in paris
say yes to a night out with locals
hit burbon street *(but dont wait for mardi gras)
sit still at Machu Picchu
gawk at the Taj Mahal
Take an alternative vacation
stay up all night in Las Vegas
Go Ghost hunting in England
Eat too much in italy

Free Spirit
get a vibrator
spend a whole weekend in bed
learn to speak the truth, even if it's painful
ride a mechanical bull
quit the job you hate
acknowledge your own achievements
laugh at yourself
learn to meditate
do something that scares you
become a bit of a hippie
date outside your type
Be one of the guys
eat an exotic meat
play hooky

Chic Geek
Learn quotes from Grease
Read the book before you see the film
keep a camera with you at all times
find a mentor
learn a foreign language
keep a diary
embrace your naughty side
dig through your dad's music collection
spend time with your grandma
keep old letters- and write new one
stake up a hobby, just for you,
for fun Rediscover "Take on Me"
Indulge in a great work of literature
make a family tree

Beauty Maven
Get a smile youll be proud to flash
Get mani-pedis with your mates
go completely bare (down there)
Wear sunscreen
shape your brows
find the perfect red lipstick for you
get contact lenses
quit smoking
return your hair to its childhood color
learn to get a good night's sleep
get lash extensions
Have a Pro do your make-up


These are the 101 chapters in the book I am reading :0 ) and absolutely loving :)!!!!

Just thought i would share it with you..

Here is to FREEDOM of the heart soul and mind

Hales

A true day of Rest...at last.

This thing has become somewhat theraputic for me I might say..

This weekend was a nice "Me" weekend. I've been running like a mad woman just doing and going, and I needed this weekend to chill, which is exactly what I did...

Did some laundry, cleaned my room, took a nap, read the Bible, listened to some music, layed out and got some sun on my amazing rooftop (thanks River Place), swam like a mermaid in a pool :), went to a hotel party , ate amazing food, went to a nice club, met some cool new people, went to church, and got some pinkberry...

Now I am listening to music and reading Eat,Pray,Love...a book I have been "reading" for over a year now. I am determined to finish...

I had two pretty cool spiritual experiences today in church...
1. My best friend Amanda does this thing with her hands when she is nervous, or anxious, or thinking about something she is unsure about...and today I sat in the "signing" section of Times Square Church, and the sign for jesus is the same thing she does with her hands...which only makes me smile because that Means Jesus is there... or her spirit is just calling out for him :)

2. This just popped into my mind and I wrote it down, and I find it pretty awesome:
"God gave us the gift of life, so we give it back to him to really recieve it"
Beautiful :)

I love being a girl sometimes..I mean I just love being able to cry when I see something sweet, wear baggy boy pants, dance with a group of girls, and wear pretty makeup.

- I feel rested...Finally

* Haley Roe

So I think these can get a little boring witout some pics so here's some random ones

My mommy dearest


A Christa Creation while at work

Gotta get some cake girls..gotta get it.

Me and Ayana at work....

I was a little too excited to go lay out..but do you blame me? It's my first time all summer!

Out of My Mind

You Called me on the phone today
Said those words u always say
And I cry
I've gotta figure out what's going on inside this head of mine
But I've Tried
Going crazy thinking 'bout the way I shouldn't have left it all behind
But Now I'm gone and something's wrong I changed my mind
I'm so in love with you, I don't know what to do, this time
And though you're out of sight, you're never ever out of my mind.

I Saw you just the other day,those feelings never went away
And I smiled
Told you I'll be back and I want us to be friends and be alright.
Don't know what to say, it's getting harder everyday but it takes time
You should know, I'm coming home, stand by...
I'm so in love with you,
I don't know what to do this time
And though you're out of sight, you're never ever out of my mind

As time passes by, I fall asleep without you by my side
I go out of my mind, remembering the way we were...before
I'm so in love with you,
I don't know what to do, this time
And though you're out of sight,
you're never ever out of my mind

I'm so in love with you,
I don't know what to do, this time..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5QytkVdRr24

Soulshine :0)

Sometimes a computer can be the best and worst of technological advancements.

It's been a crazy two weeks. Actually it's been a crazy summer! Just living it up and loving it..

The past week Cassie came to visit and we had a blast...let me try to think of everything we did...
She got here on Thursday, which was much needed seeing as Tuesday my whole life changed. It was nice to have family and my best friend here. very nice. We went to Lorin's for an amazing game night and then went out to a bar in SOHO. We spent most of the night finding the place and were less than amused by the time we got there.

Friday Morning we slept in major and then met Brittany for some serious shopping! You see, because breaking up is hard to do...I have made excuses for eating chocolate and shopping...which only makes me fat and broke and sad...haha but in the moment, it is great! So we proceeded to shop and run into the Gossip Girl crew...Not Chase unfortunately...maybe one day...Then Cassie and I went home and then went out again with Brittany...It was a nice time. I was really tired though! Saturday I had to work ALL day for Red Bull at the Courrier Classic which is like this insane bike race and got to make some new friends....That night Cass and I ate at Justin Timberlake's restaurant and went out for a party for a friend at Work that Sway was throwing. It was lots of fun...lots of dancing to Michal Jackson and creeping on some neighbors in the next building! hahahaaa..

So then Sunday came around and we were just utterly exhausted but decided to enter the lottery to see West Side Story and guess what WE WON! not only did we win, but I won and cassie won which gave us four tickets...We didn't take mine, but it was crazy that in a line of hundreds of people, we would both be picked! It was destined! So we sat front row, and I am not being sarcastic...i literally got spit on by one of the Jetts....I saw it come out of his mouth and right onto my arm...ew.

So after the show I was feeling sad and needed some Cupcakes, so me and cass hit up Billy's bakery with Brittany and Maria. We had a nice time talking about gross girl stuff that makes me giggle. Me and cass then saw the Hangover...and...don't tell MTV but I didn't like it. woops.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Monday CASS left and my FAMILY FLEW IN!!!
It was conference for my dad's work, and we stayed literally in the building next to MTV....It was beautiful and the parties were amazing....

Open Bar, Buffet style food, and never ending chocolate bars.... ohhhhhhhh
My sister got Shwassstttttted, and was very entertaining to watch. My parents were less than thrilled :)

I took off work Tuesday and my family and I got to go to Ellen's stardust Diner and I got to sing for them! It was amazing. My dad cried, but he won't admit it! It was so nice to perform again...I miss it badddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddly...
Then we went to Central park and rode around on Boats then finished up the night at a comedy club. Could life get better!? No.

The next night was a sit down dinner with performances and some amazing dancing with my family...I felt like a princess in a good fairytale! (sorry that sounded lame, but its true)

Sooooo when they left yesterday..everything hit me. for real this time. and i was reallyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy sad..

But after a nice Skype conversation, I feel really good..and Hopeful. Sometimes I wonder what the heck is going on in my own heart.

I just realized how detailed and annoying this post is... With every detail and all, I don't even want to read it haha...

I hate that now whenever I want to share a spiritual thought I think about Heidi Montag/Pratt and can't take myself seriously!...thanks MTV.

This weekend, I am going to chill....Who am I kidding, no I'm not.

Movie tonight and Carson's hotel party tomorrow..then CHURCH Sunday...It's what I am longing for. Some serious Jesus Time.

If you have an encouraging quote...Leave it. I need some inspiration.

-Haley Roe.
Pictures on Next post from Conference when I get home from MTV! :)

Shopping...Struggleeeeee

Cassie made me!


West Side Story Before the Show



In the Red Bull Space before the Courrier Classic


Good Ole' Red Bull Girls


@ West Side Story Intermission


PC WB


Model Pose much?


Mexican!


Soho Diva


We needed to smile...So I put on a JumpSuit..Why am I always the one to do these things!? Step up guys

July

So...I feel..strange. Cassie is getting into the city today, and I can't wait to go around the Big Apple with her. In the past 3 days I have gotten 15 hours of sleep MAX and worked 15 hours every day inbetween MTV and Red Bull Mon, Tues, and Wed.

** Following your heart is the most difficult yet easiest things to do...oxymoron? Hence on the moron. haha.

I am learning so much about myself...I'm learning that I know NOTHING about myself..oxymoron?

Have you ever made a decision that you knew deep down was right...for one reason or another...but you didn't agree with it? It's the strangest emotion I've ever felt.

- For those involved in my life they know that I've completely changed my life right now...I am really relying on the Lord. Hardcore.
I'm not scared...I feel peace...but I feel like I am in a distant dream. Like the reality of my decision doesn't seem real...and it is.

Advice?
Follow your heart ALWAYS. Don't shush that quiet voice.

I keep thinking, I hope I didn't make a mistake...but there is no mistake in following that voice. I have already seen reasons why this was the right thing to do.
Regardless of my attempt at rationalizing my life, I need support..and thank God I have that here in the City.

I literally fell to my knees in the elevator two nights ago and wept..then I got up, got in bed, and fell asleep talking to Amanda.
I have eaten chocolate, and cupcakes, and sundaes every day for days...
I have a bible, tear stained tissues, and pillows next to my bed.'
and I have a God that loves me...

That's all
-Roe


I am at MTV right now and just found these pictures from the 2nd week of our internship when we had dinner at Blockheads

Michael Jackson

Sitting in the MTV Studios while the Michael Jackson memorial is going on running around doing twitter for the show....I feel so extremely blessed to be here.

Sandra and I discussed how we will forever remember this moment at MTV watching Michael's tribute to his life.

amazing.

Late night

My mind is running a million miles an hour.

I hope I can sleep.

* I close my eyes and try to hide

but wake when these dreams collide *

I feel like I am 14 again...Awkard, confused, and breaking out with zits.

I feel like I could cry about just anything...but that's not really any different than usual...

I want my mommy :(

Caution: Emo Post

phew... I have a lot on my chest.

I'm at work, and I really need to be working, but I have this twinge in my heart and it won't go away. uhh...

I know this is so emo to write in a stupid blog that no one reads, but whatever. It works. I won't go into details, but I will throw out some thoughts.

If there is one thing I have learned in the past couple weeks it's that we are not here to judge. No matter what you do or what someone has done to you, we are not here to judge. We are here to love. There have been certain situations around me, and within my life, where I have looked at what is going on, and all I could think was....if we just had the mind of Christ, or could just step away for a second we would understand things are greater than our little minds can think.

Here's a thought for you:
The next time you are angry with someone, think about what they are going through. Just maybe that day is the anniversary of their brother's death and they needed to be alone..Or maybe they just lost their job and you called at that perfect moment.

Sometimes it makes me absolutely CRAZY looking at people judging others, and drawing conclusions about people's character when they are so narrow minded and can't seem to see past their own judgement.

It breaks my heart really...it makes me sick. and as I am saying this, I see the plank in my own eye, and I know that I too judge others because of conclusions I draw...but I am making a point to see EACH person I come in contact with as a child of Christ...and no matter how bad they slip up, or confuse me, to be more understanding and give them the benefit of the doubt.

Maybe the next time you go to judge someone's actions, you should remember that you love them and that you too are not perfect...

Here WE go..I'm writing an article about Hayden P. and here is a quote she told Seventeen Magazine:

"I remember somebody saying they were sitting at lunch near young girls in a school. These two girls were talking about this one girl and telling this story about how horrible she was, and then they turned to another girl who was being quiet and asked her what she thought. And she turned to them and said, 'I'm sorry, I can't talk about anyone who's not here to defend themselves.' Everything that comes out, unless that person is there to defend themselves, how can you really judge? There's always two sides to a story. Always. Sometimes three."

This only makes me so appreciative for my friendships...

The true test of friendship:
Going through hard times...When I was with brittany last night..we just reveled in our friendship and how much we had gone through together... I don't even remember this, but Brittany was the first person I called when Dust died....and she was the person who told me that Danen died...she was there when I found out a boy I thought I loved was with someone else..that I also loved. Girl has been through Sh** and back..but more than that...I remember a time where...we wronged each other.
I remember a night sitting in my sink, sick to my stomach because I found out something that happened with B. It was hurtful, but all I cared about was that me and Brittany would be ok in the end. That's the beauty of love. It sees past imperfection....

Gotta go, my man is back in the City.

Roe