Trips home always center me...and make me crazy at the same time. Here are some things I learned this trip.
1. No amount of make-up can make you pretty on the inside- I mean this literally and figuratively. I thought about "make-up" in general when I realized day 5 of the trip home that I had not ONCE put on an ounce of make-up since arriving on the red Georgia clay. There's just something about sun-kissed cheeks, and lake hair that makes everyone look a little bit more beautiful. Plus, the people I was with emphasize the better things in life...Rather than focusing on taking a good selfie for Instagram/Snapchat, we focused on making each other laugh and seeing how much ice cream we could possibly eat before being sick. Living in LALA land, I am surrounded by beautiful people. But there are some really pretty shells with some really nasty insides. That was a hard realization for me when first moving here, but now, I have a better radar, know how to love people without trusting that they have my best interest at heart, and truly cherish the beautiful SOULS that I know out on the West Coast.
Takeaway: I would rather have a pretty soul than be a size zero. (Which is a good thing, because I was never, and will never be one.)
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| Front porch swingin' |
2. I will always crave Chickfila more on a Sunday. I always knew this, but being so close to the fried goodness reminded me how true that is. I may or may not have eaten it 4 times in my 6 day trip home. And when I was refrained from my Chicken Biscuit, I was less than pleased.
Takeaway pt 1 (the shallow realization): Buy a Chickfila biscuit the day before so you have it on Sunday. Easy solution.
Takeaway pt 2: "We always want what we can't have." OR "The Grass is always greener." When I am in CA, I sometimes get sad about not being close to my family, or missing out on things with my sweet southern friends... But that is the same for when I am home and away from my bike that so graciously takes me to the beach. Or my roommates who I could talk to for hours about nothing. No matter where I am, I have learned (over time) to be present in the moment. To not wonder what would be or not be if I was somewhere else...to not have FOMO (Fear.Of.Missing.Out).
........(or what actually might be true: I just really will always want Chickfila every day, so no matter when it's closed, I will yearn for it.)
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| Delivery from my one and only. |
3. The rope swing at the lake is ALWAYS scary. This trip to the lake was different than most, as the water in Lake Lanier was FINALLY HIGH. I know that fellow Georgians are pissed about this reality as they have had a very WET and Thundery summer, but for me, this meant the rope swing had less of a drop thus it SHOULD be less scary! FALSE. It doesn't matter how old I am, or how many times I have done the swing, I always almost pee myself when I get to the top. Of course, as soon as I go, I am up there a few seconds later ready to go higher and hang on longer, but NO MATTER WHAT it's scary.
Takeaway: When I think back to the fact that I moved thousands of miles away from home, with less than $1,000 to pursue an acting dream, I think I should have been scared. I should have almost peed my pants in my Mustang as I crossed into CA, but I have to be honest, I wasn't. I think that's because when you know you are ready to take a huge leap off the rope swing...When you want to feel that scary "stomach in your throat" feeling. When the idea of NOT going off the swing, makes you a sissy, and more mad at yourself than if you just put on your "big girl panties" and jump, you just do it. I think I am the kind of person who will always crave that feeling...and I will always jump.
4. Being an Aunt makes me want to be a better person. My older nephews and niece are now at an age where being an aunt is different for me. Before, I would hold them, give them a bottle when my sister was tired, put them in time-out if they kicked their brother, and give them endless amounts of kisses. Now, I would have to chase them full speed, tackle them to the ground, and hold their arms down to kiss them...and that is IF they don't put me in some type of wrestling move first where I can't move and have to scream "MERCY"! It's weird looking for "Hotties" with my 15 year old niece, and looking at Facebook pictures of "girlfriends."
I had one special moment with my nephew Jackson. He wanted to go out with me on the Jet Ski...He almost didn't come because my other nephew wouldn't go, but he went under one condition: I had to go full speed. Now, Jackson is 6. This means he has to sit in FRONT of me on the jet ski, making it sort of difficult to go 60 MPH when a small flailing body to squeeze between my legs. Once I felt pretty comfortable with him sitting there, I decided to do something my Dad always did with me when I was little. Scare him. I knew there was a possibility that we might fall off, even maybe get hurt. But there was a part of me that wanted to be a "cool aunt," and so I held down the throttle. I held it down for a LONG time....Until we were going over 50 mph...and then, there came a WAVE.
....Now, I could have slowed down...and I probably should have, but...I didn't. I held on real tight, and up we went. I mean we went really high..I even scared myself. When we landed and water sprayed all over us, Jackson turned around, Eyes wide, Smiling from ear to ear..... and through about 3 teeth that he has left (as he has sent most of them to the tooth fairy)... he screamed "AUNT HALEY, YOU'RE AWESOME!" I just busted out laughing and started doing donuts to celebrate our moment together.
Takeaway: Being an aunt. I am looked at. And in some ways mimicked. These little nuggets make me want to be a better person...for them.
5. Nicknames make you feel special. There is just something about a nickname that makes things more personal. When you call someone a nickname, it's kind of like an inside joke. You may not even know that person well, but there's some sort of camaraderie that you feel when someone calls you something they made up. I realized this when my nephew Addison came up with nicknames for my boyfriend Ryan. He not only came up with nicknames, but phrases.
Let me explain:
Pimpin Ice Cold- This phrase was used over 100x a day.
Definition: Something you say after something is AWESOME. i.e. A front flip off the rocks at the lake, Talking about picking up babes on the Jet Skiis, Doing some sort of Karate Kick to his sister...all of it is "pimpin ice cold"
Gnarley- We can thank Ryan for this one. Addison picked up this SOCAL word from Ryan....and my life was never the same.
Booger Boy Borus- This is the nickname for a "loser"...Which in most instances was Me according to my nephews. The phrase derived from the Egg white separator my mom has that is a "nose"...Gross.
Ryan's nicknames via my nephews- "My Main Man", "Godzilla Icebox", or as Addison reminded me 50x "Ryan is the grown up version of me Aunt Haley".
Take-away- Boys will be boys, and they are weird. AND I will take being a Booger Boy Borus any day, if it means I am around my sweet nephews (and niece).
6. Life goes on even if you feel like it stopped. I can remember back to when my brother died 6 years ago. There are times it feels like yesterday and times it feels like a century ago. Whenever something BIG like this happens, it sort of feels like everything stops...like the world is put on hold and you are just trying to wrap your head around what just happened. What I have learned through experiencing several of these "Wait, WHAT" moments, is that life does go on. The sun goes up, and then goes down, I get a year older, and the next thing I know, my nephew has underarm hair. (I am still trying to process this one as you can see).
The coolest thing that happened to me on this trip home would probably be seeing glimpses of my brother through his son Addison. Even though Addison was only about 7 when Dustin died, he still sometimes says things, and looks just like him. It's crazy to me how his mannerisms are there when Addison wasn't really old enough to even pick up on that before he died.
Take-away: When God takes away, he is always giving back.
7. Mimi is always right. Mimi is my best friend. She's my grandmother, but she is my best friend first. She always somehow knows things before they happen and is DEAD SET in her ways. Don't piss her off, or ESPECIALLY hurt someone she loves, because you will never be forgiven. She will always have some sort of cookie or treat for you to eat. You will always say no, and 10 minutes later find yourself at the bottom of the bag. She will always be your #1 fan, and kick your ass if you don't listen to her. She will always be wearing huge sparkly sunglasses and some sort of MUMU. She doesn't believe in sunscreen and I can NEVER be blonde enough. Spending time with her is always hilarious, and she is my hero.
Take-away: She is not always right, but don't try telling her, or fighting it. Everytime I leave for LA I cry because I am leaving her, but she is one of the main reasons I am here. She teaches me to GO FOR IT, and I will.
xoxo Haley Roe
