So the past few weeks have been well very discouraging. I auditioned for juries and didn't pass. Auditioned for GTC and completely lost my voice with no ability to sing. Then just had semester auditions and didn't get called back for a show. Ouch Ouch Major Ouch. So...this week I just sat back and prayed and said, Ok God...what do you want me to do. I feel like you put this desire in my heart but all of these doors are closing. Whatever you want, please just give me some encouragement in that area of my life so I can try to follow your will... With that being said, I emailed my mom and Mimi and told them how I was feeling...I'm goign to quote a voicemail from Mimi:.
"Don't ever feel that you aren't the very best up on that stage or i'll whip your butt.. You probably are auditioning for the wrong things. You're a musical star. Start getting back to your singing. You're also a great comedian. You have that look on the stage that people relate to you and laugh with u. Don't you ever loose that self cofidence. Look in the mirrior for gods sake, you're gorgeous. You're fabuously talented with a gorgeous voice. Next time you audition, you hit that stage with "I'm the best damn thing in this country, and you better believe it." Do you hear me?"
Gosh I love my grandmother. Yes, I love and trust her with everything I have, but even after hearing this, I felt loved, but not better.
Then about 3 hours later, I get a call from my GTC coach and she said she wanted to talk. When I called her back she told me I had a very impressive audition and that I had improved nearly 10 fold. A compliment I truly took to heart. After that she proceeded to tell me that I was unfortunatly stuck in "academia" and that I will and CAN make it professionally. She proceeded to tell me of a bunch of auditions coming up next semester in ATL and advised me to stop doing community theater and begin doing work that will pay me. She told me I had the "pipes" to make it in musical theater, and coming from someone who has already made her Broadway Debut, I take that to heart. I don't think any audition or call back could have given me the drive and encouragement that her phone call did. She told me to go to NY and not be stuck in ATL. She said that she advises very few ppl to do that, and that she believes I can make it. Whether or not this was the answered pray from the Lord or just an encouragement, it completely shifted my way of thinking from "should I change what I want to do" to "I'm going to keep trucking along."
What Mimi said is true. I am a confident person and that's because my confidence is in Christ. I take great joy in that, but still, I do feel defeated at times. I feel inadequate, and I can't help it. When you are trying so hard and not succeeding, it's hard, but Alex gave me a great analogy the other day.
I called him and said "i dont enjoy this anymore. I think that I'm through." and he told me
"No one likes practice. No one likes to sweat in football or spend hours in the gym doing gymnastics or singing over and over again without playing the game. No one practices just to practice. They practice because they love the game. You love the game. You just haven't gotten to play it in a while."
Another thing I fall short to is comparing. A women we do it ALL the time. I do it probably every day I get on facebook, or read blogs, or watch tv. But I read a nice quote the other day. As women, why dont we stop comparing and start connecting. Why waste time comparing ourselves when we can be connecting with each other?
Welp, I have officially lost my phone. I can't find it anywhere. I spent the night with the parsons and they cant find it, I cant find it in my car, and it's not in my bed. Shoot.
Going to see Andrew tonight on Homecoming court. Is it weird that I'm excited to go to a high school football game? Oh well, I am :)
love and stuff
Haley Roe
