The perfect Kind of Date.

Today I had one of those moments in life where you are overwhelmed with love. So much that you cry but you're laughing...you know what I mean right??

While my other 2 bloggies are happy go lucky, that's not exactly where I'm at right now. I am at a much better place than I was this weekend though..so I'll update on what's for REAL happening and then post about the past month or so..

I guess it's best to start at Saturday.. This is what I just copied out of my journal:

The kind of moment you know you will remember forever.

Numb. Paralyzed. Hopeless. Stuck.

This is how I felt all day today.

I knew today was coming. I've been leading up to it for almost a month now.

I fell backwards about 100 steps, and down a side street I did NOT want to be on.

I found myself on the alleyway of despair and this time, there was no getting out of it.

No distraction worked. Sleeping became a nightmare again as my dreams constantly reminded me of my reality.

I was busy the ENTIRE day. I made sure of it. Doing things that should and usually do, make me happy. All I felt was numb. Most times there is a constant ache in the back of my mind. Well today, it was in the forefront..so much that my heart actually hurt.

It's been that way for about 1 1/2 weeks. About 1 step shy of a full blown panic attack.

I tried everything:

A glass of wine, or three (and as all of you know, I do not drink. ever)

talking it out

pushing it away

And tonight I hit a wall. I kept trying to find SOMETHING to make me feel better. NOTHING.

I started getting bitter, annoyed, and impatient.

That's when the Lord intervened..and he did it through my beloved roommate Taylor.

We left a party of all our friends because i could not take it anymore. I wanted to crawl in my bed and just be alone. She was concerned about me because I was so unresponsive…and kept trying to figure out what to do.

That's when my heavenly father spoke to us.

Tay said "Roll down your window"

I obliged.

She said "what do you smell"

I said "the ocean"

she said "exactly lets go."

Without one single hesitation, I turned the car and went to the first side street I saw. We got out of the car, looked at each other, and without one word said or a decision made, we ran as fast as we could in our cute dresses head first right into the Pacific Ocean.

We were so filled by the spirit and peace of God I cannot even describe the feeling. It was so strong. I felt like crying but the joy was so powerful I couldn't stop laughing. It was the oddest sound as we both laughed/ cried/ and splashed around at 12:30 AM alone with our creator in the Pacific waves.

Tay looked at me and said "Hay, this is why we are here...we are suppossed to be here...together" and she was right

Walking out of that ocean, I felt like 3,000 lbs had been lifted off my chest. I cried out, God, take it. Please just take it. I can't carry it anymore. And he did. He lifted my burdens and I will go to sleep now. Light. Joyous. and at peace…

All I needed was a slap in the face with some cold west coast water with my closest friend here, and the one who loves me all the time.

Here are some pics post ocean:

So after the weekend, I felt better until Yesterday....then I hit a breaking point. and talked to my mama all day and contemplated what I wanted to do...and realized that I am offering my life to God with closed fists..and I'm really working on letting go...

Well today I had my favorite date yet..and it was with myself. myself and jesus that is..

I got a presh beach cruiser yesterday and today I decided to ride to the beach. I was scared...there were cars everywhere, but I did it...and As I smelled the ocean breeze I felt like Julia Roberts from Eat Pray Love when she looked so happy in India at complete peace with herself. I felt like that...I did the laugh cry joy sound again and just felt so loved. It was an amazing feeling. As I got to the beach, I saw the sunset, and about 20 surfers surfing the last waves of the day, and I had one of those...holy crap I live here moments...and rode home listening to Sara Barellis and singing at the top of my lungs :) :)

What a perfect date.

xoxo

Hailstorm

Blogfest part 1

So I wrote these blogs on the plane ride about 3 weeks ago...so Ill just post them each day this week. then update you on whats going on now! "You"- I have no idea who that is...but here "you" go ..

I have so many things that I want to document for myself and find it nearly impossible to write down everything that I have done since I got to California. My life took a complete 180 when I went from living with my parents completely dependent on them and in a secure loving relationship to living and providing for myself and entering into an entirely different chapter, hell, book of my life. Both things are quite frightening yet have taught me so much more than I knew I would want to know and have shaped me into who I am right now and who I will continue to grow to be. I am such a happy girl. I have always dreamed of living in California, but it has far exceeded my expectation.. As I sit here and write of my love affair with California, I should start with explaining that I am currently flying into the sweet Georgia state to surprise my sweet mama and family. I miss them more than I can even begin to express. I cried tears of joy as I felt the plane take off headed towards my heart, my home. The thought of hugging my family is making me cry right now..I never understood what A meant when he was on his mission and said that he wasn't homesick, but people sick. He never admitted to wanting to come home, but wanting us to be there with him. I can understand that now. I don't miss GEORGIA necessarily.. at times I do..But mostly I miss the people who if you piece them together make up my heart. I miss my bed, my parents, my friends, my church(es)..I can't wait to revisit all these parts of me this weekend.

I want to start this blog fest by just explaining some things that I have done or tried since I moved to California.

1. I drove across the country with my best friend. We laughed, cried and harmonized for thousands of miles, and it was one of the most satisfying things I have done yet.

2. I have adopted words such as rad, dope, bro, sick, gnarly

3. I saw my first movie in IMAX

4. I started really managing my money and doing things that I want to do, and also paying for things I don't want to ( like an emergency dental procedure that cost me about a grand)

5. Adopted a love for Which Wich and dubstep/ techno DJ music (slowly..very slowly)

6. Rode on the back of a really fast racing bike on the Pacific Coast Highway while the sunset with one of my favorite boys I have met since moving here

7. Learned how to do a trick on a skateboard

8. Learned my first song on a guitar and actually could sing and play it at the same time

9. Went on dates and felt desired by more than just one person

10. Learned how to throw a frisbee and play Ultimate Frisbee

11. Went on a really beautiful and somewhat challenging hike

12. Started working out with a personal trainer and found that I'm a lot stronger than I thought.

13. Learned how to say no (and am working on it)

14. Walked around the ocean with hundreds on sting rays around me, and CHOSE to do it!

15. Became part of a crew of people who play volleyball on Sundays and brunch and cook out together almost every weekend

And that's just a brief introduction to my new life in sunny southern California…Did I mention how happy I am?

Mama Mia!!

So last night I got to spend some time with two sweet boys. Ben and Kevin! We decided to make pizzas..well Ben decided, and we put on Italian dancing music and shimmied through the kitchen as we cooked my first meal in my new apartment in Venice!

I live 2 miles from the beach, and am currently looking to buy my cutsie beach cruiser to ride around the area in. I am so excited to get settled settled in my new place and enjoy the start of yet another chapter out here in LALA land..

I have been living here now for 4 months! How wonderful and exciting.

I am still in the Honeymoon stage with California..and I hope it never leaves :)

Oh before I show these pics, a little rundown. Sweet Ben got in an accident and broke his neck in two places a month ago. I think he looks sexy with his Halo on, don't you ;) He's such a trooper, and a surprisingly amazing chef!

Thought for Thursday

When I think back about falling in love, all i can remember is it being easy. There are no games, complete confidence in where each other stands, and just a feeling of peace. You are able to lay your guard down and you just KNOW they love you for YOU. There is no question, no games, just simple love.

Simple love is the best. It's not dramatic. There are no huge fights and making up...it is simple, patient, and peaceful.

I laughed for about 2 hours last night with some girls as we went over how CRAZY boys can make us..From them texting us something that we overanalyze or not texting us and overanalyze why they didn't or what they are doing.

We read a blog about how girls go crazy when guys don't do what they want, and how we "scare them off" To me, that is complete crap.

All my girly friends out here always ask me how I can just not care about certain situations. How I can keep my cool...It's cuz I just don't care. And the funny thing is, the less I care, the more I get texted..they more I get the kind of answers I want. It's such a game.

A game of who can care less.

How stupid is that?

THAT is why I don't care...

I know of true love, and he's with me all the time and will never leave or forsake me. Everything else seems pretty small compared to that.

Timing

Loving each other is easy...It's the life part that's hard.

This weekend did not go the way I thought it would.

But God's timing is so ridiculously perfect. It freaks me out sometimes. How real he really is.

I CANNOT imagine what would have happened if I wasn't at home this weekend to be here for my family.. I don't want to even think about it..

It may not have been the relaxing warm vacation I hoped for, but by gosh, if I hadn't been here, I don't want to think of what would have happened or how badly I would have felt being in california.

Without too much detail, I have slept with my sister the past 2 nights. She was assaulted and robbed thrown around and shoved into a closet as all her things were taken from her house.

Like I said...God's timing is perfect.

I thought I was surprising my family by coming home..but it was no surprise to the big man upstairs.

I love you father.

Lyrics that change your life

The lyrics of this song just changed my life...

So Beautiful

Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
Give me your life
Lust and the lies
The past you're afraid I might see
You've been running away from me
You're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
Our Love it unites us
It binds you to me
It's a mystery
Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
I‘m the giver of life
I'll clothe you in whine
My immaculate bride you will be
Oh come running home to me
You're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
Our Love it unites us
It binds you to me
Well you've been a mistress, my wife
Chasing lovers it won't satisfy
Won't you let me make you my bride
You will drink of my lips
And you'll taste new life
Cause you're my beloved
Lover I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
Our Love it unites us
& it binds you to me
You're my beloved
Forever we'll be
Our love it unites us
And it binds you to me
It's a mystery
It's a mystery

Georgia love

My sweety friend Molly sang me this song via Gmail this AM...and I love it

I miss the way you sing low So I can't hear your voice over The radio in my car But you know every word they say You knew you just the right thing to say of Distance ripped us farther and farther and farther away I'll see you soon If you're coming back this way again Come back from California All of us here in Georgia Are starved for your attention We're starved for your attention Come back from California All of us here in Georgia Are starved for your attention We're starved for your attention Maybe I fell too fast Maybe I pushed you away Now you're gone and I'm afriad That you're never coming back this way again (should be way not away) I'll see you soon If you'll come back here I'll see you soon Just say that you want to see me too Come back from California All of us here in Georgia Are starved for your attention We starve for your attention Come back from California All of us here in Georgia Are starved for your attention We're starved for your attention You know I won't mind if you Monopolize all my time I won't say a thing at all I won't say a word no So come back from California Come back from California